Confessions of a Convert: A Sojourn in Rome

It is hard to believe that 2o months ago I was in Rome praying about my decision to convert to the Catholic Church from Anglican priesthood. I blinked, and time has just flown by. My conversion story can be read here.

This evening I was looking through the book Confessions of a Convert by the early 20th century priest, Robert Benson. His thoughts on being in Rome and what that visit did to open his eyes to the divine beauty of the Catholic Church was something that I shared most intimately on my pilgrimage of prayer for direction. Visiting Rome on that Easter pilgrimage expanded my view of the Church beyond what words can describe. Below is the experience of Fr Benson whose experience I share.

Thus, in truth, a sojourn in Rome means an expansion of view that is beyond words. Whereas up to that time I had been accustomed to image Christianity to myself as a delicate flower, divine because of its supernatural fragility, now I saw that it was a tree in whose branches the fowls of the air, once the enemies of its tender growth, can lodge in security - divine since the wideness of its reach and the strength of its mighty roots can be accounted for by nothing else. Before I had thought of it as of a fine, sweet aroma, to be appreciated apart; now I saw that it was the leaven, hid in the heavy measures of the world, expressing itself in terms incalculably coarser than itself, until the whole is leavened.

So day after day the teaching went on. I was a boy introduced for the first time to some great engine shed: the wheels roared round me; huge, remorseless movements went on; the noise and the power were bewildering; yet little by little the lesson was dinned into my head that here was something other than I had ever known, something I could never have learned in my quiet Northern twilight. Here were the business offices of the spiritual world; here grace was dispensed, dogma defined, and provision made for souls across the world. Here God had taken His seat to rule His people, where once Domitian - Dominus et Deus noster - God's Ape, had ruled in His despite, yet shadowing God's vicar...

And if I learned that in Rome, I have learned once more in England that the Church of God is as tender as she is strong. She, like her Spouse and her type, His Mother, views all things, sees all men, controls giant forces; yet in her divinity does not despise "one of these little ones." To the world she is a Queen, rigid, arrogant, and imperious, robed in stiff gold and jewels, looking superbly out upon crime and revolt; but to her own children she is Mother even more than Queen. She fingers the hurts of her tiniest sons, listens to their infinitesimal sorrows, teaches them patiently their lessons, desires passionately that they should grow up as princes should. And, supremely above all, she knows how to speak to them of their Father and Lord, how to interpret His will to them, how to tell them the story of His exploits; she breathes into them something of her own love and reverence; she encourages them to be open and unafraid with both her and Him; she takes them apart by secret way to introduce them to His presence.

This was what I experienced in Rome and how I have come to experience my time in the Catholic Church in England. A sojourn in Rome has come to be a story of the making of a prince and an heir to the Kingdom of Christ Jesus. What a wonderful gift it is to be counted amongst the children of the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church of God. May all the Anglicans beginning to make their journey experience the blessings of what is written above and share what I have come to learn and experience as a Catholic living in this beautiful land of England!

Anchoring Our Hearts Through Prayer

Prayer can be difficult for us all sometimes and it does us well to remember that it takes an alert attention and much vigilance to exclude bad or idle thoughts when we are presenting ourselves to God in this intimate way. How do we get that 'loving gaze' of our heart's love for God to permeate the mind and heart with understanding? This is where Cassian's words are so helpful from his Conference 10.4. He writes,

Since you ask me to return to it, I will briefly state the means of anchoring our heart. Three things focus a dissipated mind: vigils, meditation and prayer; attentiveness and continual application to these three exercises establishes the soul in an unshakable steadfastness. Nonetheless, this is not acquired unless one still devotes oneself to steady work, not out of greed, but for the sacred needs of the monastery [or life in general if not living in community]; for that is the means of freeing oneself from the anxieties and worries of the present life, and of making it possible to fulfil the Apostle's precept: 'Pray without ceasing.'

He who only prays when he is on his knees, prays little. But he who, on his knees, yields to every distraction, does not pray at all. So, before prayer, we must enter into the frame of mind we wish to have during prayer; for it is an inescapable law that the dispositions of the soul depend on the state that preceded it; and we will see it either rise to the heights of heaven or sink to the earth, following its previous thoughts.

Preparation for prayer is almost as necessary and required before praying as praying itself. I often find my prayers haunted by the business of my life and day ahead of me and I find myself yielding to my distractions. This can be very frustrating but also we should remember that God is faithful and even when our prayers are interrupted by the distractions of this world and we know not what to pray, the Holy Spirit prays for us and in us. It is my humble prayer that God would bless all readers this year and that he might give us the grace needed to anchor our hearts to his through prayer! God bless you all!

Happy New Year to Everyone!

Dear Readers and Friends,

I am writing to wish you all a very happy and I pray, a Blessed New Year! It has been very busy over the Christmas holidays with family visiting from the States and running around London. I have not had much time to blog and actually wanted a bit of a break from writing and reading blogs which I have happily been refreshed by doing so. 2010 was a wonderful year for us and I am hopeful and prayerful that 2011 will be filled with wonderful gifts and surprises from our Father in heaven. I do pray God's blessings on each and every reader who visits this blog and I do thank you for taking the time to visit de cura animarum.

All the very best wishes and prayers,

Jeffrey

Wishing Everyone A Very Happy and Holy Christmas

Pope Benedict XVI Thought for the Day on BBC Radio 4

Recalling with great fondness my four-day visit to the United Kingdom last September, I am glad to have the opportunity to greet you once again, and indeed to greet listeners everywhere as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Christ. Our thoughts turn back to a moment in history when God's chosen people, the children of Israel, were living in intense expectation. They were waiting for the Messiah that God had promised to send, and they pictured him as a great leader who would rescue them from foreign domination and restore their freedom.

“God is always faithful to his promises, but he often surprises us in the way he fulfils them.”

God is always faithful to his promises, but he often surprises us in the way he fulfils them. The child that was born in Bethlehem did indeed bring liberation, but not only for the people of that time and place - he was to be the Saviour of all people throughout the world and throughout history. And it was not a political liberation that he brought, achieved through military means: rather, Christ destroyed death for ever and restored life by means of his shameful death on the Cross. And while he was born in poverty and obscurity, far from the centres of earthly power, he was none other than the Son of God. Out of love for us he took upon himself our human condition, our fragility, our vulnerability, and he opened up for us the path that leads to the fullness of life, to a share in the life of God himself. As we ponder this great mystery in our hearts this Christmas, let us give thanks to God for his goodness to us, and let us joyfully proclaim to those around us the good news that God offers us freedom from whatever weighs us down: he gives us hope, he brings us life.

Dear Friends from Scotland, England, Wales and indeed every part of the English-speaking world, I want you to know that I keep all of you very much in my prayers during this Holy Season. I pray for your families, for your children, for those who are sick, and for those who are going through any form of hardship at this time. I pray especially for the elderly and for those who are approaching the end of their days. I ask Christ, the light of the nations, to dispel whatever darkness there may be in your lives and to grant to every one of you the grace of a peaceful joyful Christmas. May God bless all of you!

Radio 4 BBC

Confession of a Convert: Sharing the Experience

Recently, my SD gave me a book by Robert Hugh Benson titled Confessions of a Convert. His father, Edward Benson, is well-known as a former Archbishop of Canterbury. He caused a national sensation when he took up Holy Orders as a Catholic priest. He, like so many, came to see that he had absolutely no other choice but to be reunited to Mother Church. So many feel the sentiments that Father Benson expresses in his memoir.

There are many Anglicans who have already taken the same steps as Benson and many who are about to do so within the Anglican Ordinariate. Some others are still wondering where they are. Others have issues that simply will keep them from doing what they deeply know is the right thing to do. Some of those issues quite understandable and others not understandable at all. One emotion that is experienced is fear. Personally, I understand that one all too well! Of course there have been some who converted and then gone back. Why one would do so is beyond me. One possible reason, IMHO, is that many have become so accustomed to division that they would not feel at home in a place like the Catholic Church. That does not mean the Catholic Church lacks dissenters - quite the contrary! But most importantly for me was that what I exchanged on the day of my conversion was doubt for certainty and substance for shadow. Father Benson shared this view.

It seems very remarkable to be obliged to say that the idea of returning to the Church of England is as inconceivable as the idea of seeking to enter the Choctaw fold...They [Anglicans] are so accustomed to division and disunion on the deepest matters of faith in their own body, that they can scarcely conceive its being otherwise elsewhere. Either, they say, these divisions must be in Catholicism too, though beneath the surface, or, if they are not, it must mean that intellectual activity is suppressed by the "iron uniformity" of the system. They do not at all understand how "the truth can make (us) free." It is a complete begging of the question, I allow, but it appears to me more true every day that I live, that those few persons who do not return do so either by the road of complete unbelief, or through some grave sin in their lives, or through a species of insanity, or through the fact that they never really grasped the Catholic position at all.

It is of no use to pile up asseverations, but, in word, it may be said that to return from the Catholic Church to the Anglican would be the exchange of certitude for doubt, of faith for agnosticism, of substance for shadow, of brilliant light for sombre gloom, of historical, world-wide fact for unhistorical, provincial theory.

I do not know how to express myself more mildly than that; though even this, no doubt, will appear a monstrous extravagance, at the least, to the sincere and whole-hearted members of the Anglican communion. Only yesterday, in fact, an educated young High Churchman looked me unblenchingly in the face and said that the "Roman idea is all very well in theory; but as a practical system it does not work - it does not square with history; whereas the Anglican communion...--" Well, well!

I realise that this sort of statement above does not get the "ecumenical" juices flowing for us but it is nothing less than what Blessed John Henry Newman said either. Real questions of substance clearly lay within any extravagant rhetoric. Questions that many are pondering at this moment. I think the question comes down to a simple one, not as to whether or not there are defects in both Anglicanism and the Catholic Church, but, are these defects vital: certainty of faith, unity of believers, and the authority given to the Church and her divinity. If one provides certainty, unity, and divine authority and one does not, then decisions are necessary. These are the questions for all converts.

The Holy Father's Address to the Roman Curia: UK, Beatification and Conscience

I would willingly speak in some detail of my unforgettable journey to the United Kingdom, but I will limit myself to two points that are connected with the theme of the responsibility of Christians at this time and with the Church’s task to proclaim the Gospel. My thoughts go first of all to the encounter with the world of culture in Westminster Hall, an encounter in which awareness of shared responsibility at this moment in history created great attention which, in the final analysis, was directed to the question of truth and faith itself. It was evident to all that the Church has to make her own contribution to this debate. Alexis de Tocqueville, in his day, observed that democracy in America had become possible and had worked because there existed a fundamental moral consensus which, transcending individual denominations, united everyone. Only if there is such a consensus on the essentials can constitutions and law function. This fundamental consensus derived from the Christian heritage is at risk wherever its place, the place of moral reasoning, is taken by the purely instrumental rationality of which I spoke earlier. In reality, this makes reason blind to what is essential. To resist this eclipse of reason and to preserve its capacity for seeing the essential, for seeing God and man, for seeing what is good and what is true, is the common interest that must unite all people of good will. The very future of the world is at stake.

Finally I should like to recall once more the beatification of Cardinal John Henry Newman. Why was he beatified? What does he have to say to us? Many responses could be given to these questions, which were explored in the context of the beatification. I would like to highlight just two aspects which belong together and which, in the final analysis, express the same thing. The first is that we must learn from Newman’s three conversions, because they were steps along a spiritual path that concerns us all. Here I would like to emphasize just the first conversion: to faith in the living God. Until that moment, Newman thought like the average men of his time and indeed like the average men of today, who do not simply exclude the existence of God, but consider it as something uncertain, something with no essential role to play in their lives. What appeared genuinely real to him, as to the men of his and our day, is the empirical, matter that can be grasped. This is the "reality" according to which one finds one’s bearings. The "real" is what can be grasped, it is the things that can be calculated and taken in one’s hand. In his conversion, Newman recognized that it is exactly the other way round: that God and the soul, man’s spiritual identity, constitute what is genuinely real, what counts. These are much more real than objects that can be grasped. This conversion was a Copernican revolution. What had previously seemed unreal and secondary was now revealed to be the genuinely decisive element. Where such a conversion takes place, it is not just a person’s theory that changes: the fundamental shape of life changes. We are all in constant need of such conversion: then we are on the right path.

The driving force that impelled Newman along the path of conversion was conscience. But what does this mean? In modern thinking, the word "conscience" signifies that for moral and religious questions, it is the subjective dimension, the individual, that constitutes the final authority for decision. The world is divided into the realms of the objective and the subjective. To the objective realm belong things that can be calculated and verified by experiment. Religion and morals fall outside the scope of these methods and are therefore considered to lie within the subjective realm. Here, it is said, there are in the final analysis no objective criteria. The ultimate instance that can decide here is therefore the subject alone, and precisely this is what the word "conscience" expresses: in this realm only the individual, with his intuitions and experiences, can decide. Newman’s understanding of conscience is diametrically opposed to this. For him, "conscience" means man’s capacity for truth: the capacity to recognize precisely in the decision-making areas of his life – religion and morals – a truth, the truth. At the same time, conscience – man’s capacity to recognize truth – thereby imposes on him the obligation to set out along the path towards truth, to seek it and to submit to it wherever he finds it. Conscience is both capacity for truth and obedience to the truth which manifests itself to anyone who seeks it with an open heart. The path of Newman’s conversions is a path of conscience – not a path of self-asserting subjectivity but, on the contrary, a path of obedience to the truth that was gradually opening up to him. His third conversion, to Catholicism, required him to give up almost everything that was dear and precious to him: possessions, profession, academic rank, family ties and many friends. The sacrifice demanded of him by obedience to the truth, by his conscience, went further still. Newman had always been aware of having a mission for England. But in the Catholic theology of his time, his voice could hardly make itself heard. It was too foreign in the context of the prevailing form of theological thought and devotion. In January 1863 he wrote in his diary these distressing words: "As a Protestant, I felt my religion dreary, but not my life - but, as a Catholic, my life dreary, not my religion". He had not yet arrived at the hour when he would be an influential figure. In the humility and darkness of obedience, he had to wait until his message was taken up and understood. In support of the claim that Newman’s concept of conscience matched the modern subjective understanding, people often quote a letter in which he said – should he have to propose a toast – that he would drink first to conscience and then to the Pope. But in this statement, "conscience" does not signify the ultimately binding quality of subjective intuition. It is an expression of the accessibility and the binding force of truth: on this its primacy is based. The second toast can be dedicated to the Pope because it is his task to demand obedience to the truth.

Vatican Site

Kept From Blogging

Due to a very busy final week of term and having come down with a sever case of the flu, I have not been able to blog. I am feeling much better now but am frustrated with the weather that is keeping my father-in-law in the States from flying into Heathrow. I will be posting something quite interesting in a bit.

Liturgy As Something Given, Not About Our Creativity: Pope Benedict XVI

In the Holy Father's interview with Peter Seewald, there is the question about liturgy that was very important for Catholics as we await the new English translation. There is a lot of discussion about the New Translation that is often mis-informed and lacks understanding of the principle that the Holy Father expresses in his answer below. The Mass, according to the Holy Father, is not an occasion to display ourselves but is something rather given in advance. He answers,

It [liturgy] is not about our doing something, about our demonstrating our creativity, in other words, about displaying everything we can do. Liturgy is precisely not a show, a piece of theater, a spectacle. Rather, it gets its life from the Other. This has to become evident, too. This is why the fact that the ecclesial form has been given in advance is so important. It can be reformed in matters of detail, but it cannot be reinvented every time by the community. It is not a question, as I said, of self-production. The point is to go out of and beyond ourselves, to give ourselves to him, and to let ourselves be touched by him.

In this sense, it's not just the expression of this form that's important, but also its communality. This form can exist in different rites, but it must always contain that element which preceds us, that come sfrom the whole of the Church's faith, from the whole of her tradition, from the whole of her life, and does not just spring from the fashion of the moment.

Is it Reasonable To Leave the Catholic Church?

Pope Benedict XVI and the Dictatorship of Relativism

It has been over a week since I have posted anything but life has been busy and a bit challenging of late. All a part of the sanctification process I'm sure. On that note, I spent my Saturday at Westminster Cathedral for prayer and meditation for several hours as well as attending the 12:30 Mass that celebrated the anniversary of ordination to Catholic priesthood of Bishop Alan Hopes and other priests who were in the sanctuary. There was a wonderful homily that spoke of the welcome that Catholics ought to extend to Anglicans who are taking the Ordinariate route. It was very encouraging to experience the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace in the walls of the Cathedral building.

After my time in the Cathedral, I ventured over to CTS and purchased the book of Pope Benedict's interview that has caused so much recent controversy. Amazing how much the media leaves out! In the chapter mentioned in the above title of this post, we find something of the heart of the problem surrounding issues like the use of contraceptives and changing views of human sexuality that are at the centre of our new Kulturkampf. There does seem to be a war of secularism against Christianity in our present day. The Catholic Church is attacked so much because she is presently the most open in standing against the "majority" who aggressively oppose the Church. The Holy Father responds:

A new intolerance is spreading, that is quite obvious. There are well-established standards of thinking that are supposed to be imposed on everyone. These are then announced in terms of so-called "negative tolerance". For instance, when people say that for the sake of negative tolerance [i.e. "not offending anyone"] there must be no crucifix in public buildings. With that we are basically experiencing the abolition of tolerance, for it means, after all, that religion, that the Christian faith is no longer allowed to express itself visibly.

When, for example, in the name of non-discrimination, people try to force the Catholic Church to change her position on homosexuality or the ordination of women, then that means that she is no longer allowed to live out her own identity and that, instead, an abstract, negative religion is being made into a tyrannical standard that everyone must follow. That is then seemingly freedom--for the sole reason that it is liberation from the previous situation.

In reality, however, this development increasingly leads to an intolerant claim of a new religion, which pretends to be generally valid because it is reasonable, indeed, because it is reason itself, which knows all and, therefore, defines the frame of reference that is now supposed to apply to everyone.

In the name of tolerance, tolerance is being abolished; this is a real threat we face. The danger is that reason--so-called Western reason--claims that it is has now really recognized what is right and thus makes a claim to totality that is inimical to freedom. I believe that we must very emphatically delineate this danger. No one is forced to be a Christian. But no one should be forced to live according to the "new religion" as though it alone were definitive and obligatory for all mankind.