Escape or Conversion: Why I Became Catholic With My Family

Having a week off for mid-term break has allowed a nice morning of coffee, breakfast, Office, Rosary and a read around the Internet to see what is being said about the recent news. In my wandering over to Catholic-minded Anglican blogs, I visited St. Barnabas' blog where Father Ed posted his homily from yesterday. Now the poor chap has had enough bad press recently so I want to keep my comments within reason as far as a clarification about those of us who have decided to go at it alone. There seems to be a gross misunderstanding about someone like myself who left without waiting for a group to travel together. First of all, when I decided it was time to leave nearly six months ago now there was no offer like this from the Holy Father and to be honest I was a committed skeptic that something so grand would ever be offered. I happily admit my lack of faith here. But, does that change anything about my decision? No. Why? Because, my leaving to enter into full communion with the Catholic Church of the west was not to escape from a lack of love and appreciation from the CofE's General Synod. Matter of fact, I often prayed for the end of that presumptuous body that very rarely discussed theology but all the more shaped itself on the modern secular state on how to run the CofE. I was one who never wanted to be seen as 'begging' for a place to be 'safe' in the CofE or to beg for the scraps from the General Synod table. My Catholic faith was running much deeper than that. Something spiritual was going on inside me during my decision-making process that had nothing to do with whether or not my beliefs were respected or loved by the General Synod. Frankly, I came not to care at all what General Synod thought because my allegiance was to something much larger and greater than the CofE or the General Synod and that is to the person Jesus my Lord and Saviour. Escapist language is language that communicates fear and uncertainty about one's position. At the point of my decision to become a Catholic, though uncertainty filled my daily life for a while, I prayed that fear and an escapist mentality would not be any part of my motivation to conversion. If it was, I would have to question my conversion. That is not how I made my decision to become a Catholic. To be honest, I have to question anyone's wanting to become a Catholic as a last resort. Is it really a conversion to the truthfulness of the primacy of St. Peter and the Magisterium of the Church? I think something deeper goes on in a real conversion to a Catholic way of life that has the ability to move personal desires to the side for the sake of truth. I could have waited longer and put up with internal frustrations. But could I stand behind the altar and before my people and particularly my family with the spirit of Lumen Gentium in my heart? But, not only did I have a flock where I shared and participated in pastoral care, more importantly, I have a wife and six children who need nourishment in the fulness of truth only found in the Catholic Church and that responsibility weighed heavily upon me more than anything else. The inconsistency of the Anglican church to what I taught at home was confusing to my children. But what reached the core of my heart and integrity that allowed me to face the man in the mirror each and every day was what I read in Lumen Gentium 14. It reads, 14. This Sacred Council wishes to turn its attention firstly to the Catholic faithful. Basing itself upon Sacred Scripture and Tradition, it teaches that the Church, now sojourning on earth as an exile, is necessary for salvation. Christ, present to us in His Body, which is the Church, is the one Mediator and the unique way of salvation. In explicit terms He Himself affirmed the necessity of faith and baptism(124) and thereby affirmed also the necessity of the Church, for through baptism as through a door men enter the Church. Whosoever, therefore, knowing that the Catholic Church was made necessary by Christ, would refuse to enter or to remain in it, could not be saved. It is this last phrase that touched the depths of my heart as I made pilgrimage in Rome on Easter week 2009. I knew in my heart that I had come to believe what the Catholic Church teaches in the CCC. I knelt down at St. Peter's tomb and signed the catechism for myself. I wrote in the front of my Catechism, 'This is the Faith of the Holy Catholic Church, this is my Faith, and I submit myself to its teaching and ask the Holy Spirit to form me and make me into a man, a father, and a member of this Church that resembles the faithfulness of Saint Peter himself after his ongoing conversion.' Signed my name and dated it. It was love for Jesus and the Church that propelled me into her arms, not an idea of escape or a lone ranger mentality of someone who just merely looks after themselves not caring for the sheep. That sort of accusation that has even made its way most recently in my blog comments shows nothing save a deep misunderstanding about the nature of conversion to the Catholic Faith and Church. My prayer was that my going when I did and fully trusting in God's blessing and provision for being faithful to my conscience of where Jesus had led me to believe in His Church would show any who closely watched that the way of discipleship is of great cost but the reward is greater. No escape for me but conversio to the Sacred heart of Jesus and Mary in the bosom of the Church who loves me, my family and most of all the truth of the Christian faith in Scripture and Tradition passed on to the faithful from the See of Peter and his bishops. Thank you God for giving me the grace to follow your call to conversion of heart not the escape from fear!