The Cross: The Road to Unity

With the recent news of my crossing the Tiber I can only imagine that some friends who have yet to make this decision or think about this decision might wonder about the cost. I think we all know that there is a real cost to conscience. That cost can become our Cross. For Christ to come to the road of the resurrection he had to first travel the road of the Cross. Leaving priesthood and everything behind in order to seek unity in the Catholic Church is a Cross I am embracing. What I wonder is whether all cradle Catholics understand how an Anglo-Catholic views priesthood. To be honest, I am not so certain it is much different from how a Catholic priest understands his priesthood. There are obvious debates about the validity of Anglican orders etc and this is not the point or question I want to raise. I write simply to say that those who have yet to decide on the decision I have made should not be viewed as cowards. Rather this gives me an opportunity to explain why this Cross of leaving priesthood is a cost that is difficult to make. I believe understanding and listening is in order here.

One of the central aspects of Catholic priesthood is the concept of 'dying in order to live'. As an Anglo-Catholic priest I embraced that vocation of dying to live in the way I viewed my calling. I believed at my ordination to the priesthood that I was ontologically changing and my self-identity was changed to embrace a road of the Cross of dying in order to live in my service of Christ in the church. As I journeyed through the ordination rite the symbols of my new identity were applied to me visibly to show what I fully believed was happening to me invisibly. A real change in who Jeff was took shape in my new vocation as an Anglo-Catholic priest. This formation was the beginning of a lifelong formation where I would move more deeply into the priesthood of Christ within my own life. When I received the Paten and the Chalice as gifts from the people of God I believed that the act was the symbol given to me by Christ as a gift to offer the one offering of Christ on Calvary at the Altar where he became really present in his priestly love. With the anointing of my hands with oil I was imparted with the grace of blessing God's people with the priestly blessing of Jesus himself. I was handed the scriptures to authoritatively proclaim all that is within them for the good of God's people in the training of righteousness and the responsibility that goes along with the priestly teaching ministry. As I prayed my office each day I would pray it with the intention of being formed more into Christ's priestly calling to know the Father as he knew the Father. When I laid down at night, signed myself with the sign of the cross, I would often thank God at the end of a tiring day for the gift of vocation to sacramental priesthood. The one obvious difference is that I could tell my wife next to me how much I loved my vocation.

What I would hope that cradle Catholics would understand about Anglo-Catholic priesthood and the priests who live out that vocation is that the thought of dying and not being buried in their vestments of their vocation where their bishop would celebrate their Requiem Mass is a very painful thought. I believe this really needs to be heard and understood. What I want us all to be careful of is that those who have not yet decided to swim is not often out of cowardice but a strong belief of who they are. The psychology and sociology of identity is worth a lot of consideration and time here and these men need our prayers and support because a day may come when they too grab hold of their identity and nail it to a Cross. I hope that when they do, and those many who have done so before me, will continue to be honoured, loved and welcomed with the love and welcome I have received. Most of all, I hope the difficulty of losing one's identity and vocation is handled graciously and not triumphalistically.

I will not cease praying for my brother priests and their people that I have left for the communio that I am convinced Jesus has called me to seek. In the West we live in difficult times and circumstances philosophically and psychologically. There is a lot to be said about understanding one's identity as a priest is such a sea of confusion.

As I continue to pray for my brethren I am also reminded by B.C. Butler that 'The message of Christian history is that the way to come to Christ is to belong to the koinonia; and that hearing Christ and believing him who sent him entails, not as a distant aspiration but as a here-and-now urgency, seeking membership in that koinonia.' I have been told numerous times that my new koinonia has her own problems and her own scandals about her and until she gets her own house in order arguments may be put forth to remain outside her. But, like Butler says,

'if the Church never will be what she ought to be, then an inescapable question arises: Is it not our duty to join her without more ado and to lend our aid to her continual 'purification' from within her ranks? For, imperfect though she is and will always be, she is the divinely given and guaranteed, new and supernatural, historical reality within which and by means of which God's eternal purpose for the salvation of all men and the supernatural elevation of his creation is being accomplished.'

Many people have written to me to ask if I am seeking priesthood in the Catholic Church. Here is the way I am looking at it. I have taken my identity as a priest to the road of the Cross in order that I might find myself on the road to resurrection. If the Catholic Church, in her authority and wisdom from God seeks to give me the gift of priesthood then I will embrace the vocation returning again to the way of the Cross where we die in order to live. The priest lives the road of the Cross first and foremost with and for his people so that together they may travel the road of resurrection. God bless our Pope, Bishops and priests; we love, honour, appreciate and pray for you, please pray for us!