Many questions are raised when an Anglican priest converts to the Catholic Church. What 'attracted' me to the Catholic Church was Truth and Authority. Our world is in dire need of truth and so often other ecclesial communities run from the truth. Periodically, we do that in our own private lives as well because when we have to really face the truth and the man in the mirror, if you will, it can be painful and one may need to become humble and admit wrongs. Working on a PhD in Eucharistic Sacrifice and looking at Andrewes as an ecumenist with Rome caused me to read Catholic theology much more sympathetically. That sympathetic reading turned me from fear to seeing the assurance of truth given in the Church that is backed by real apostolic authority. What freedoms does this truth bring? As a Catholic there are no more endless qualifications about my strand of ecclesilogy; there is no more looking over my shoulder when I teach or write about Catholic morality; there is no more endless wrangling about sacramental realism and assurance; but there is a church that I no longer have to defend or defend myself because I now have a Church that defends me. Theologically and ecclesiologically this is a magnet of truth. The only thing that alarmed me before I took my final step to act was the alarms in my head that what I was pondering was so very true. This is exactly Chesterton's point in his conversion. That is what I experienced at St. Peter's tomb that Friday morning on 17 April 2009.No, I don't check my brain in at the door of the Vatican. But, my personal brain doesn't have the last word either. Where is the beauty in truth? I can now say to my wonderful six children, 'we don't do this or that because the Church says that is not true and in the best interest of God's people. And now my children don't respond, 'then why do some who lead the church do this or that if it is wrong?' In an age of disbelief, the truth of the Church is a magnet not only for me but for my family. Previously I, much like Chesterton, pulled against the Church out of fear; now I find myself being pulled towards it all the more.
I went back this evening and read the 197 comments of welcome and this reminded me of how the magnet of truth will attract many others eventually. I was not the first to swim from Anglicanism and I certainly won't be the last. There are so many courageous men and women who went before me which honestly helped to give me the courage to do the same. When people are honestly seeking truth and eventually come near the truth of the Catholic Church, its magnetic pull will unite Christians to the truthfulness of all that was feared. G.K. Chesterton describes it beautifully.
He has come too near to the truth, and has forgotten that truth is a magnet, with the powers of attraction and repulsion. He is filled with a sort of fear, which makes him feel like a fool who has been patronising "Popery" when he ought to have been awakening to the reality of Rome. He discovers a strange and alarming fact, which is perhaps implied in Newman's interesting lecture on Blanco White and the two ways of attacking Catholicism. Anyhow, it is a truth that Newman and every other convert has probably found in one form or another. It is impossible to be just to the Catholic Church.May God help us all to be faithful to the truth that sets us free! The last phase before truth finally wins is the fear of knowing how true the Catholic Church is. This is because the Catholic Church will turn our world inside out.
The moment men cease to pull against it they feel a tug towards it. The moment they cease to shout it down they begin to listen to it with pleasure. The moment they try to be fair to it they begin to be fond of it. But when that affection has passed a certain point it begins to take on the tragic and menacing grandeur of a great love affair. The man has exactly the same sense of having committed or compromised himself; of having been in a sense entrapped, even if he is glad to be entrapped. But for a considerable time he is not so much glad as simply terrified. It may be that this real psychological experience has been misunderstood by stupider people and is responsible for all that remains of the legend that Rome is a mere trap. But that legend misses the whole point of the psychology.
It is not the Pope who has set the trap or the priests who have baited it. The whole point of the position is that the trap is simply the truth. The whole point is that the man himself has made his way towards the trap of truth, and not the trap that has run after the man. All steps except the last step he has taken eagerly on his own account, out of interest in the truth; and even the last step, or the last stage, only alarms him because it is so very true. If I may refer once more to a personal experience, I may say that I for one was never less troubled by doubts than in the last phase, when I was troubled by fears. Before that final delay I had been detached and ready to regard all sorts of doctrines with an open mind. Since that delay has ended in decision, I have had all sorts of changes in mere mood; and I think I sympathise with doubts and difficulties more than I did before. But I had no doubts or difficulties just before. I had only fears; fears of something that had the finality and simplicity of suicide. But the more I thrust the thing into the back of my mind, the more certain I grew of what Thing it was. And by a paradox that does not frighten me now in the least, it may be that I shall never again have such absolute assurance that the thing is true as I had when I made my last effort to deny it.
10 comments:
I remember how surreal it was to venture closer to the Catholic Church with an open, teachable, seeking mind, and to be surprised by, and ultimately enveloped by the Truth. Critics would rather liken it to being wooed by the Siren's call, and falling for something that is just too good to be true. And they are right on one thing, it is too good to be true, and yet, it is true. It is a taste, a foreshadowing of heaven. It is wonderful, and it is true, and it is not of this world. Therefore it is surreal.
Kevin B
Thank you for this very well-considered post. Would you be so kind as to provide the citation for the quote from Chesterton?
Truth is difficult to accept because it is does not seek compromise or middle ground, it simply is and it is up to you to accept it or deny it.
That is why Catholic Church is the one true Church that Christ founded. There is no argument, it just is.
A wonderful post. Yes, I rest in the arms of my Savior, who has not deserted us, or left us bereft of all the things we need to know to love and serve Him. The Church has held it all in trust, and will do so until the end.
Chris, sorry about that. I added the link in the post.
Your post reminds me that one of the things that struck me most when I converted was how much energy I'd had to put in over the years to proving my credentials as a Catholic-minded Anglican. In full communion with the Catholic Church there was nothing I needed to "prove" - I could just get on and be a disciple.
When I say, to my anglican friends, that I believe in The Church I don't mean that I give intellectual assent to its existance (as, say, a label for "the set of all Christians, known to God) but rather that I trust her. I'm continually surprised at folks difficulty in understanding the difference in that perspective, given that the same distinction in one's relationship with God is commonplace among evangelicals.
I know what you mean about the "looking over your shoulder" thing, though I am only a laymen and so did not have to deal with that the way you did. But while I was Episcopalian I had lots of anxiety over the moral stance-du-jour that it was proclaiming. I will admit though that I continue to wonder about Romish things as well, but it's still way better!
Dave S.
Big chap, Chesterton.
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